The Reckoning

We escaped in hunger through crowds of amber,
Flames seized your twisted legs and caused
A reckoning, to shroud you in dread and terror.
They descended as a monstrous pack of shadows,
Clawing rapidly at your bleeding soul,
A hole the size of the black spattered universe.

I asked you if we would endure to see blue,
The hue of the sky in our peripheral vision,
The minerals of the earth planting roots in our feet.
Those trolls washed back and drowned in hell,
We healed and floated upon the foamy shore.
They’ll swarm again until there’s nothing left.


i am not living i am merely existing.
i am not living i am merely existing.
i am not living i am merely existing.

Things I need:
– new job
– new life

book review · books

Book Review – Strange Weather in Tokyo – Hiromi Kawakami 

Strange Weather in Tokyo by Hiromi Kawakami

I struggled writing this review, not because I think the book is terrible but perhaps because this is just one of those novels with a very Japanese aesthetic, and one of the problems I have while reading foreign translations of things. Sometimes I’m not sure whether I’m reading something the way the author intends, but that’s very minor and arbitrary.

Strange Weather is a beautiful, shy kind of love story between a young woman in her thirties and her Sensei who taught her Japanese in high school. And honestly, it doesn’t read as a love story in case you hate that soppy stuff (which I do). The back and forth interactions between Tsukiko and her Sensei, and the slow development of their relationship is delicate in places and amusing in others.

The only part I was trying to get over was the great age difference between Tsukiko and Sensei, which is about thirty-odd years. It’s a May-December relationship that takes some getting used to, or maybe that’s just me.

You’re drawn into these characters with differences between them (but not exact polar-opposites) and now and then you remember that Sensei is old – he’s very much old – and Tsukiko is in limbo; she never had a ‘successful’ relationship or learned to love. I think that’s what ultimately makes you root for these two people, stranded in the same lonely presence of each other, to fall in love.

Kawakami doesn’t dance around the fact that this is essentially a love story though, and the way that it’s told is so refreshing to readers like me with piss poor attention span. Each ‘chapter’ almost qualifies as a short story, snapshots of the growing relationship between both protagonists.


On How to Grow Darkness

These creases in my palms caused angst to grow.
I planted misery with blood and waited,
Bated breath held hostage in my lungs.
My mind slowly unraveled and came undone
And hesitation clouded sensibility,
Until I ran, I split, I sped and soared
Awarding me that final gulp
Of air.

Packed densely with fear and doubt
And blindly I felt until I soared again
Landing deftly into the darkest clearing,
Disappearing back into the creases of my mind.


it’s never as easy as running full force into a wall and knocking the ill feeling out of you. it doesn’t help, it only makes you feel better for a minute.

book review · books

Book Review – A Series of Unfortunate Events – Lemony Snicket

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket

Every now and then I separate one of these books from their unfortunate family and have a read through some chapters, for want of reminiscing my childhood – years made slightly happier by the adventures that happen within the pages of these books.

A Series of Unfortunate Events is probably one of the most unique series I’ve come across (in my kid-days). They were the first Gothic novels I ever read, but adding to the fact that it’s a peculiar genre for kids, Handler’s writing style and gift of story-telling is darkly humorous, sarcastic, and witty.

For a child, these are all the things you dream of reading, or imagine adult books are littered with. It just so happens Handler does it phenomenally.

These books, if not anything else, taught me from a very young age that adults should not be trusted. Adults are crappy human beings who will never believe what children say. As an adult-in-practice, I’m inclined to believe the lessons I learned are true. Just how many times can you explain to your guardians that there is a bad man, an evil man, a villainous man who is after your parents’ entire family fortune and would do anything to get his hands on it, including murder?

Read these as a kid, or read these as an adult, it doesn’t matter. The unfortunate adventures in this series is worth your time.

If you’re lazy, watch the Netflix show for the kooky and stunning cinematography.


It Started at Midnight

Did we even wait or linger
On wet beer garden benches?
Inches away from our best mistake,
Made possible by cigarette breaks
And sneaking away from work
Alert to slightest calculations.

Post-alcohol induced touches
Clutching to your arms in downpour
Soaring through muggy weathered rainstorms
Ignoring warnings.
Uncertain, but certain enough.


I met this guy at work, and the first time we went out together we got drunk on vodka and Malibu and soaked in this rain storm and ate 2 for 1 pizzas from Dominos in his car after after midnight.

We’re in March already. How did that even happen?


Choices in Non-fiction

The Body in Pain by Elaine Scarry
Seven Brief Lessons on Physics by Carlo Rovelli

I don’t read much non-fiction (I don’t read non-fiction), so I decided to pick up these books for some inspiration and all-round ‘let’s not feel too dumb this year’.

The Body in Pain is part critique, part philosophical essay on the nature of human suffering, and the way pain is presented in the world. Scarry divides her book into three main proponents:

  1. the difficulty of expressing physical pain
  2. the political/perceptual complications that arise from those difficulties
  3. the nature of human creation

(lifted and paraphrased from her intro)

Seven Brief Lessons on Physics is exactly what is says on the tin. Einstein’s theories, probability, quantum, the structure of the cosmos (etc, from what I can remember in my head).

This might be an interesting time to tell you that I took one science for A-Level (Biology) and got a straight set of impressive U’s on my end of year exams. So at least I know how to spell my name, am I right guys? Amirite?!

If anyone cares this is a close-up of the blanket I’ve been working on. I’m a certified hooker – I just love hooking. Innuendos aside and all, I have a penchant of starting projects at the beginning of the correct season, and ending them at the start of a wrong one, so I’m going to have two sweaty little nephews using this in the summer.

Look at it. It’s just so fluffy. I want to eat it. It’s like marshmallow.


To Heart. Love, Mind.

Our path has run off-kilter and into the wilderness
Digging a grave so deep into the earth
We might just reach the core in time
To save what is left of our unbalanced war
So we drive dangerously close to the edge
And spiral, periling through the past we wrote in pain.

We had a focus.
Affixed by fingers and hearts and souls
But we strung ourselves along until we broke each other
Prolonging the time we would take to mend;
And reach the center of our fragile road
To find happiness
So I could witness the smile on your face
The way it had once been.

I mourned a year and a year and a year
To the point we’ve reached of healing.